1 00:00:03,888 --> 00:00:05,088 This better be important, Jack. 2 00:00:05,155 --> 00:00:06,255 I was in the middle of bidding 3 00:00:06,323 --> 00:00:07,857 on a bag of bras on eBay. 4 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,258 Lemon, Hank Hooper is on his way 5 00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:10,359 up from Philadelphia, 6 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,828 and he wants to meet with both of us. 7 00:00:11,896 --> 00:00:12,896 Why does he want to meet me? 8 00:00:12,964 --> 00:00:14,163 Do you think it's a good thing? 9 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:15,966 It's not, hon. 10 00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:17,266 I saw that in a movie once, 11 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,268 but in the movie, the guy was dead. 12 00:00:19,336 --> 00:00:20,769 Nice tie, Jack. 13 00:00:20,837 --> 00:00:23,005 How long have you been there? 14 00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:24,707 I was sitting in that chair a minute ago. 15 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,141 Nope. That was me. 16 00:00:26,209 --> 00:00:28,176 What can I say? I smell like leather. 17 00:00:28,244 --> 00:00:31,246 And you must be Elizabeth Lemon. 18 00:00:31,314 --> 00:00:33,015 Oh. 19 00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:34,083 Well, I'll be Bake McBrided. 20 00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:35,584 I know a Philly gal when I hug one. 21 00:00:35,651 --> 00:00:38,019 Now, Elizabeth, I like to look someone in the eye 22 00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:41,122 and smile when I say that what you're doing is bad. 23 00:00:41,189 --> 00:00:42,690 It's just horrible. 24 00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:45,893 Without Tracy, your show is like my cholesterol. 25 00:00:45,961 --> 00:00:47,996 The numbers are killing me. 26 00:00:48,063 --> 00:00:49,764 So I'm gonna cancel TGS. 27 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:51,398 Hank, as you know, 28 00:00:51,466 --> 00:00:54,300 tonight is TGS's 100th episode. 29 00:00:54,368 --> 00:00:56,903 And we've been getting some good media buzz. 30 00:00:56,971 --> 00:00:58,371 Got on Wikipedia this week. 31 00:00:58,439 --> 00:01:01,675 So you did 99 shows against all odds and reason. 32 00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:03,110 That's something. 33 00:01:03,177 --> 00:01:04,878 - Now it's time to rest. - Really? 34 00:01:04,946 --> 00:01:06,847 You want to cancel the only show on your network 35 00:01:06,914 --> 00:01:08,814 starring a 42-year-old woman? 36 00:01:08,882 --> 00:01:11,184 A show that is number one in its time slot 37 00:01:11,252 --> 00:01:12,652 among men 18 to 49 38 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:13,919 months left in prison? 39 00:01:13,987 --> 00:01:15,155 I thought this company was a family, 40 00:01:15,222 --> 00:01:17,157 but I guess it's that Austrian family 41 00:01:17,224 --> 00:01:18,358 and I am the girl in the basement, 42 00:01:18,425 --> 00:01:20,893 and you are the dad who has been brutally-- 43 00:01:20,961 --> 00:01:22,428 Thank you, Lemon. 44 00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:24,496 What Liz is neglecting to tell you 45 00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:26,632 is that Tracy Jordan is back. 46 00:01:26,699 --> 00:01:27,832 Oh. 47 00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,000 Well, that's something. 48 00:01:29,068 --> 00:01:30,469 And I would consider it a personal favor 49 00:01:30,537 --> 00:01:32,504 if you would let them do the 100th episode 50 00:01:32,572 --> 00:01:36,975 and then reevaluate the show with Tracy in it. 51 00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:38,477 All right. 52 00:01:38,545 --> 00:01:39,778 You get one more shot. 53 00:01:39,845 --> 00:01:41,546 Just like the army doctor said to me 54 00:01:41,613 --> 00:01:43,914 after my weekend in Okinawa. 55 00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:47,451 You know, Jack, I'm amazed at how much 56 00:01:47,519 --> 00:01:50,354 you will stick your neck out for your people. 57 00:01:50,422 --> 00:01:53,424 It's no wonder you're here with us good folks at Kabletown 58 00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:54,925 instead of running GE. 59 00:01:54,993 --> 00:01:56,093 They're mean. 60 00:01:56,161 --> 00:01:57,860 Jack Welch once smacked a pretzel 61 00:01:57,928 --> 00:02:03,132 out of my hand at the Super Bowl. 62 00:02:03,201 --> 00:02:04,334 Is Tracy back? 63 00:02:04,402 --> 00:02:06,203 I'd hate to think I just lied to Hank. 64 00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:07,537 Geez, I'll get it done. 65 00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,172 You know I'll do whatever it takes. 66 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,540 Lemon-style. 67 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:12,974 ? Everybody dance now ? 68 00:02:14,511 --> 00:02:17,045 You gonna get me another sandwich 69 00:02:17,113 --> 00:02:18,880 or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad 70 00:02:18,948 --> 00:02:19,981 you'll have a chin. 71 00:02:20,049 --> 00:02:21,650 I will waste you! 72 00:02:21,718 --> 00:02:24,453 You'll have to go through this old bastard first. 73 00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:26,021 And I don't really think it's fair 74 00:02:26,089 --> 00:02:29,557 for me to be on a jury because I'm a hologram. 75 00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:30,858 What is the holdup with Tracy? 76 00:02:30,926 --> 00:02:32,059 I thought you found him. 77 00:02:32,127 --> 00:02:34,462 I did find him, but he's still crazy. 78 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,063 He thinks he can't be funny anymore 79 00:02:36,131 --> 00:02:37,465 because now's a big Oscar winner. 80 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,066 People respect him too much. 81 00:02:39,134 --> 00:02:42,803 He told me he feels like a Bartram's Scrub-Hairstreak 82 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,305 trying to crawl back into its silky cocoon. 83 00:02:45,406 --> 00:02:47,807 Which is a butterfly metaphor, by the way, 84 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,276 and not, as I first thought, 85 00:02:49,344 --> 00:02:50,877 a list of African-American hair pduducts. 86 00:02:50,945 --> 00:02:52,879 Well you just need to turn the beautiful butterfly 87 00:02:52,947 --> 00:02:55,382 back into a drunk, incompetent caterpillar. 88 00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:56,750 And I have a plan. 89 00:02:56,784 --> 00:02:58,518 I booked him on every morning show in New York. 90 00:02:58,586 --> 00:03:01,920 Traci will destroy all his goodwill in time for rehearsal. 91 00:03:01,988 --> 00:03:03,589 I've been prepping him all week. 92 00:03:03,690 --> 00:03:05,358 So, Tracy Jordan, 93 00:03:05,425 --> 00:03:07,826 My wife Joey and I were in Maralago-- 94 00:03:07,927 --> 00:03:10,429 Jesus was black! 95 00:03:10,464 --> 00:03:12,131 Just get him back in time for the show. 96 00:03:12,198 --> 00:03:13,499 I have a very full plate. 97 00:03:13,567 --> 00:03:15,200 Really? Is it from that pie place? 98 00:03:15,269 --> 00:03:16,368 And I'm tired of going to bat 99 00:03:16,435 --> 00:03:17,369 for you and your show. 100 00:03:17,436 --> 00:03:20,004 Oh, okay. Fine. 101 00:03:20,072 --> 00:03:21,139 But just to be clear-- 102 00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:22,140 There is no pie. 103 00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:24,108 Okay. 104 00:03:24,176 --> 00:03:33,116 00:05:25,055 I did. I wore it best. 158 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:27,958 A baby gets you attention. 159 00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,493 Listen up, friends. 160 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:30,794 It's pep talk time. 161 00:05:30,862 --> 00:05:32,829 I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything here. 162 00:05:32,898 --> 00:05:34,398 If we don't get Tracy back 163 00:05:34,465 --> 00:05:36,967 and do the best show that we've ever done, 164 00:05:37,035 --> 00:05:39,036 we're cancelled. 165 00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:41,871 So we're counting on Tracy? 166 00:05:41,939 --> 00:05:43,639 Forget it. 167 00:05:43,707 --> 00:05:46,009 Frank, put that hat back on. 168 00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:49,645 Look, we've been through bad times before. 169 00:05:49,713 --> 00:05:50,713 All right. 170 00:05:52,116 --> 00:05:53,950 Ride it straight to hell! 171 00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:55,151 Here come the roofies. 172 00:05:55,219 --> 00:05:57,819 Where's my Mac and cheese? 173 00:05:57,887 --> 00:06:00,822 And we've had some good times. 174 00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:03,525 Who wants-- my puddings! 175 00:06:05,395 --> 00:06:08,030 And I know what you are all capable of. 176 00:06:08,097 --> 00:06:09,864 This is your moment. 177 00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:14,135 Tonight, TGS will not be the worst thing on television. 178 00:06:14,202 --> 00:06:16,438 It'll be John Stossel. 179 00:06:16,505 --> 00:06:17,705 Who's with me? 180 00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:18,840 Yeah! 181 00:06:18,908 --> 00:06:19,841 Let's do it. 182 00:06:19,909 --> 00:06:20,942 Good job. 183 00:06:30,718 --> 00:06:32,286 Gas leak, huh? 184 00:06:32,354 --> 00:06:33,620 Great. 185 00:06:33,688 --> 00:06:34,655 Damn it. 186 00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:36,123 Why now? 187 00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:37,825 On my last day before retirement. 188 00:06:37,892 --> 00:06:40,627 Here. Let me show you guys something. 189 00:06:40,695 --> 00:06:42,863 That's my girl. 190 00:06:42,931 --> 00:06:44,198 We're getting married when I get out of here. 191 00:06:44,266 --> 00:06:46,132 Why am I showing you guys this? 192 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,633 It's gonna jinx everything. 193 00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:48,868 Plus you're a couple of pervs. 194 00:06:50,972 --> 00:06:52,105 Should be all right as long as the leak 195 00:06:52,173 --> 00:06:53,506 doesn't get into-- 196 00:06:53,574 --> 00:06:55,775 ah, damn it. Look at this. 197 00:06:55,843 --> 00:06:58,144 It's going right into the sixth floor air duct. 198 00:06:58,212 --> 00:06:59,446 Damn it again! 199 00:06:59,513 --> 00:07:01,881 Well, we're gonna have to evacuate the sixth 200 00:07:01,949 --> 00:07:03,115 until this thing's taken care of. 201 00:07:03,183 --> 00:07:05,617 Who's up there? TGS? 202 00:07:05,685 --> 00:07:07,453 Isn't that show already half-dead? 203 00:07:11,291 --> 00:07:12,557 Who wants to kiss? 204 00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:14,559 What do you say we get some fresh air? 205 00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:21,919 Jack, we�ve a problem- There's a gas leak in the studio. 206 00:07:21,987 --> 00:07:23,320 Do you know what I find fascinating? 207 00:07:23,388 --> 00:07:25,022 Mystery novels written by janitors? 208 00:07:25,090 --> 00:07:26,691 How everyone who comes through my door 209 00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:28,759 seems to want to talk about TGS 210 00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:31,261 as if it's also the only thing in my life. 211 00:07:31,329 --> 00:07:32,763 Now, I may not be the head of ge, 212 00:07:32,831 --> 00:07:34,865 but that doesn't mean I'm not a very busy man. 213 00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:36,800 I've got other things going on too, you know. 214 00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:38,101 See? I got a new hair. 215 00:07:38,169 --> 00:07:39,803 It's white and it hurts, but-- 216 00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:40,870 How bad is this leak? 217 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,172 It's pretty bad. 218 00:07:42,239 --> 00:07:44,640 Prolonged exposure could lead to incapacitation 219 00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:46,076 or even death. 220 00:07:46,143 --> 00:07:48,444 Other possible side effects include 221 00:07:48,512 --> 00:07:50,346 hallucinations, revelation of secrets, 222 00:07:50,414 --> 00:07:53,348 telling of truths, flashbacks, 223 00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:56,185 headaches, nostalgia. 224 00:07:57,553 --> 00:07:58,687 Can you believe this is happening to me 225 00:07:58,755 --> 00:07:59,722 on my last day of work? 226 00:07:59,789 --> 00:08:01,156 My last day. 227 00:08:01,224 --> 00:08:02,424 I don't know if there was a party planned-- 228 00:08:02,491 --> 00:08:04,426 Evacuate the sixth floor. 229 00:08:04,493 --> 00:08:06,095 I don't care if anyone dies. 230 00:08:06,162 --> 00:08:08,730 I refuse to have long, gas-induced conversations 231 00:08:08,797 --> 00:08:10,164 with any of you people. 232 00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:11,799 Boy, you know, over the past five years, 233 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,268 we've had a lot of crazy characters 234 00:08:14,336 --> 00:08:16,204 and guest stars drop by TGS. 235 00:08:16,271 --> 00:08:19,506 Thank you, Pete. 236 00:08:19,574 --> 00:08:22,009 Thank you, Pete. 237 00:08:24,512 --> 00:08:27,214 I can't believe it's been 100 shows. 238 00:08:27,282 --> 00:08:29,149 More like 100 little strokes. 239 00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:34,221 You know, The Girlie Show was working just fine, 240 00:08:34,289 --> 00:08:36,857 and then Jack came along and forced me to hire Tracy, 241 00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:38,024 and now look at us. 242 00:08:38,092 --> 00:08:40,394 Oh, life was so much simpler back then. 243 00:08:40,462 --> 00:08:42,228 I had a boyfriend. Dennis. 244 00:08:42,296 --> 00:08:43,896 Sure, he was an idiot, but he made great chili, 245 00:08:43,964 --> 00:08:45,798 and he didn't care if I watched TV during sex. 246 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,169 Yeah, maybe I was better off then. 247 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,874 Liz, we have to evacuate the floor. 248 00:08:54,941 --> 00:08:56,342 There's a gas leak. 249 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,643 What? What about the show? 250 00:08:57,710 --> 00:08:59,944 Everyone, evacuate immediately. 251 00:09:00,012 --> 00:09:01,012 This is not a drill. 252 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,014 The gas is not affecting me yet, 253 00:09:03,082 --> 00:09:04,783 so I can lead you to safety. 254 00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:07,386 Just follow these... Troll penises! 255 00:09:07,453 --> 00:09:11,390 Oh, God! What have I done? 256 00:09:11,457 --> 00:09:13,424 He is an Oscar winner for his role 257 00:09:13,492 --> 00:09:17,027 as D'Jeffrey "Lucky" Seeda in the movie Hard to Watch. 258 00:09:18,797 --> 00:09:21,031 Please welcome Tracy Jordan. 259 00:09:23,935 --> 00:09:25,369 Tracy! 260 00:09:25,437 --> 00:09:26,771 Tracy. 261 00:09:26,838 --> 00:09:27,905 Tracy? 262 00:09:27,972 --> 00:09:29,273 Why don't you shut your mouth, 263 00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:31,240 back that ass up and make me a sandwich? 264 00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:32,509 He's awesome. 265 00:09:32,576 --> 00:09:34,444 You are still in character 266 00:09:34,512 --> 00:09:36,579 as the verbally abusive D'Jeffrey. 267 00:09:36,647 --> 00:09:39,382 I mean, he's become such a part of him. 268 00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:40,750 So, Tracy Jordan. 269 00:09:40,818 --> 00:09:42,919 You asked to come on our show 270 00:09:42,986 --> 00:09:44,354 because you had a revelation 271 00:09:44,422 --> 00:09:46,689 about your post-Oscar trip to Africa. 272 00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:48,390 I lied to all you ugly white ladies. 273 00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:49,758 I didn't go to Africa. 274 00:09:49,826 --> 00:09:51,627 I was hiding in a warehouse in Queens, 275 00:09:51,695 --> 00:09:53,529 watching vintage pornography. 276 00:09:53,596 --> 00:09:54,797 I love your honesty. 277 00:09:57,099 --> 00:09:58,900 It's because you didn't feel 278 00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:01,469 like your authentic self 279 00:10:01,537 --> 00:10:03,971 that you walked away from success. 280 00:10:04,039 --> 00:10:06,273 That's actually very brave. Don't you think? 281 00:10:06,342 --> 00:10:07,908 No! It's unbrave! 282 00:10:07,976 --> 00:10:09,744 - You should hate me! - I can't. 283 00:10:09,812 --> 00:10:12,213 You fly free. 284 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,581 I'm a bird in a cage. 285 00:10:13,649 --> 00:10:14,982 Hey, you got to stay around. 286 00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:17,917 We've got our no-cook cooking, hair make-unders. 287 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,285 What does that even mean? 288 00:10:19,354 --> 00:10:20,620 It's new haircuts, 289 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,322 but you can make salads with them. 290 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,194 A true artist... 291 00:10:28,262 --> 00:10:30,029 He feels things we don't. 292 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,599 This is Today on NBC. 293 00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:34,900 No, we can't do another Pam. 294 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,335 Not tonight. 295 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:37,436 Frank, what is this? 296 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,004 "Broken eyboard alk show"? 297 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,038 I write what I know. 298 00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,107 Also I broke my keyboard. 299 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,509 No, we're throwing everything out 300 00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:44,877 and starting over. 301 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:47,813 Only home runs, guys. Focus up. 302 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:48,881 It's just hard to concentrate. 303 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,382 It's so nice working outside. 304 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,421 Tracy, how'd it go? 305 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,455 Are you on your way back? 306 00:10:57,523 --> 00:10:58,990 It was a disaster! 307 00:10:59,057 --> 00:11:00,525 What happened? What about our plan? 308 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,460 I'm so beloved, I can do no wrong. 309 00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:04,295 Now everyone's after me. 310 00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,697 Unicef, the Gates foundation. 311 00:11:06,765 --> 00:11:08,064 And what is Farm Aid? 312 00:11:08,132 --> 00:11:10,567 Is it a drink? Is it a drug? 313 00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:12,669 Is it a bandage you put on a barn? 314 00:11:12,737 --> 00:11:14,438 See, that's the kind of lazy stand-up 315 00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:15,839 I'll never do again. 316 00:11:15,907 --> 00:11:17,908 Tracy, just come back, do the show tonight, 317 00:11:17,975 --> 00:11:19,376 and we'll figure all this out. 318 00:11:19,444 --> 00:11:21,044 F-u, l.l. 319 00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:24,781 Spells "full," because you're full of BS, Liz Lemon. 320 00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:26,482 Listen to me. There's still time. 321 00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:28,418 The media won't let you embarrass yourself. 322 00:11:28,485 --> 00:11:31,153 Be like Michael McDonald and take it to the streets. 323 00:11:31,221 --> 00:11:33,122 Get the public to hate you, and the media will follow. 324 00:11:33,189 --> 00:11:34,524 And then you'll get your old life back. 325 00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:35,591 Trust me. 326 00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:37,359 You better be right, Liz Lemon, 327 00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:40,094 'cause I can't take much more of this. 328 00:11:40,162 --> 00:11:43,097 I think Bono got in my limo. 329 00:11:46,402 --> 00:11:48,269 Liz! 330 00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:49,805 Do you think I'd be a good mother? 331 00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:52,173 No. 332 00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:53,974 And I wasn't even drinking anything. 333 00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:55,375 I just feel like I'm at a point in my life 334 00:11:55,444 --> 00:11:56,744 where I'm starting to have this real desire 335 00:11:56,812 --> 00:11:58,378 to nurture... my career. 336 00:11:58,447 --> 00:12:00,213 I think pregnancy would be a great PR move. 337 00:12:00,281 --> 00:12:01,281 Oh, my God. 338 00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:03,250 You want a baby to help your career? 339 00:12:03,318 --> 00:12:05,385 Look... TGS may be going away. 340 00:12:05,454 --> 00:12:07,421 Being pregnant is a great excuse for why I stopped working 341 00:12:07,489 --> 00:12:08,489 instead of the truth. 342 00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:09,989 I'm in my 40s, very difficult, 343 00:12:10,057 --> 00:12:13,960 and not that good at playing La Realite. 344 00:12:14,027 --> 00:12:15,061 Jenna, think about this. 345 00:12:15,128 --> 00:12:16,295 You will have a child. 346 00:12:16,363 --> 00:12:18,064 Who will grow up to be a little gay fancy man. 347 00:12:18,131 --> 00:12:19,766 Well, good luck finding a man willing to ride 348 00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:21,233 that crazy train. 349 00:12:21,301 --> 00:12:22,969 I'll have you know I talked with a man this morning 350 00:12:23,036 --> 00:12:24,604 who thinks I'd be a wonderful mother. 351 00:12:24,672 --> 00:12:27,405 He must be an idiot. 352 00:12:27,474 --> 00:12:31,276 He is an idiot. 353 00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:32,878 What about a sketch 354 00:12:32,946 --> 00:12:34,212 about how the Empire State building 355 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,914 is controlling us with electricity? 356 00:12:35,982 --> 00:12:38,383 Come on, get out of here. 357 00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:47,291 Just maybe one more turn. 358 00:12:47,359 --> 00:12:49,460 Then I can go home to my sweetheart. 359 00:12:49,528 --> 00:12:51,195 I told her boy I'd hit a home run 360 00:12:51,262 --> 00:12:52,797 for him tomorrow night. 361 00:12:52,865 --> 00:12:54,632 Here we go. 362 00:12:57,635 --> 00:12:58,535 Damn it! 363 00:12:58,636 --> 00:12:59,870 I'm getting too old for this 364 00:12:59,937 --> 00:13:02,205 "shh" sound that comes from this gas pipe. 365 00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:12,682 Who are you? 366 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,182 You're so handsome. 367 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:17,786 I'm Jack Donaghy, CEO of General Electric. 368 00:13:17,854 --> 00:13:20,022 Who are you? 369 00:13:20,089 --> 00:13:21,289 I'm Jack Donaghy. 370 00:13:21,357 --> 00:13:22,691 You were Jack Donaghy. 371 00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:24,627 You were magnificent. 372 00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:27,295 - I'm still magnificent. - No. 373 00:13:27,363 --> 00:13:29,231 I come from an alternate universe 374 00:13:29,298 --> 00:13:31,266 in which I followed our plan 375 00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:32,534 for world domination. 376 00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:33,968 I run the general. 377 00:13:34,037 --> 00:13:35,870 I own an NFL team. 378 00:13:35,938 --> 00:13:37,672 I guest-starred on Entourage. 379 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:38,940 What do you do? 380 00:13:39,008 --> 00:13:40,509 I'll tell you what I don't do. 381 00:13:40,576 --> 00:13:42,644 Wear a striped tie with a striped shirt. 382 00:13:42,711 --> 00:13:44,546 It's called "Power Clashing" 383 00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:46,280 and I do it because I can. 384 00:13:46,348 --> 00:13:48,749 I wore this on the January cover 385 00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:50,518 of Meetings magazine. 386 00:13:50,585 --> 00:13:53,054 We made the cover during meetings history month? 387 00:13:53,121 --> 00:13:55,689 I made the cover. 388 00:13:55,757 --> 00:13:57,824 What happened to you, Jack? 389 00:13:57,892 --> 00:14:00,261 You were supposed to spend six months in tv 390 00:14:00,328 --> 00:14:02,762 as part of your climb up the GE ladder. 391 00:14:02,829 --> 00:14:04,330 You've been here five years. 392 00:14:04,398 --> 00:14:06,366 And here... 393 00:14:06,434 --> 00:14:08,034 Isn't even GE anymore. 394 00:14:08,102 --> 00:14:09,269 It's Kableclown. 395 00:14:09,336 --> 00:14:11,504 "Town," Donaghy, and that's not funny. 396 00:14:11,572 --> 00:14:12,805 It was funny when I said it 397 00:14:12,873 --> 00:14:14,174 on my syndicated radio show. 398 00:14:14,241 --> 00:14:15,275 You bastard. 399 00:14:15,342 --> 00:14:16,342 I'm doing fine! 400 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:18,010 You used to be a shark. 401 00:14:18,078 --> 00:14:20,011 I still am. Look at my claws! 402 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,947 Sharks don't have claws. 403 00:14:22,014 --> 00:14:23,915 You don't even know what a shark is anymore! 404 00:14:23,983 --> 00:14:25,684 Oh, God. 405 00:14:25,751 --> 00:14:28,087 Do you know why? 406 00:14:28,154 --> 00:14:29,088 No. 407 00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:31,756 Liz... Lemon. 408 00:14:31,824 --> 00:14:33,725 Lemon? 409 00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:35,460 She became your focus 410 00:14:35,527 --> 00:14:37,861 at the expense of your own ambition. 411 00:14:37,929 --> 00:14:39,830 You should have realized within a week 412 00:14:39,898 --> 00:14:41,031 that Lemon was a black hole, 413 00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:43,634 unworthy of our mentorship. 414 00:14:43,702 --> 00:14:45,869 And now it's five years later, and what are you doing? 415 00:14:45,937 --> 00:14:48,406 Are you building factories in bangalore? 416 00:14:48,474 --> 00:14:51,074 Are you dining in the Palin White House? 417 00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:52,542 No. 418 00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:55,712 You're approving TGS wrap gifts. 419 00:14:55,779 --> 00:14:59,282 Baseball caps with stupid sayings from the show 420 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:00,517 written on them. 421 00:15:00,585 --> 00:15:02,219 What the hell is a "Pwomp"? 422 00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:03,686 It's when two fat people-- 423 00:15:03,754 --> 00:15:05,555 I don't care! 424 00:15:05,623 --> 00:15:07,156 What's happened to you? 425 00:15:07,224 --> 00:15:08,790 To us? 426 00:15:08,858 --> 00:15:10,926 We make me sick. 427 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,595 Mr. Donaghy? 428 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:13,895 - What? - Yes, Tom? 429 00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:15,296 The gas leak has spread to this floor. 430 00:15:15,364 --> 00:15:17,298 You got to clear out before you start seeing things. 431 00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:18,900 - Thank you, tom. - I'll clear you out! 432 00:15:18,968 --> 00:15:20,535 Oh, okay. 433 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,774 The real Jack Donaghy 434 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,209 could handle a little gas leak! 435 00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:37,779 I am a Jedi! 436 00:15:38,629 --> 00:15:39,730 Hey, look. 437 00:15:39,797 --> 00:15:41,832 Tracy Jordan is ironically reappropriating 438 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,267 his bad past behavior as a commentary 439 00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:46,202 on Fitzgerald's dictum that there are no second acts 440 00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:47,370 in American life. 441 00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:48,571 I want to take a picture of him 442 00:15:48,638 --> 00:15:49,638 with my old-fashioned camera. 443 00:15:49,706 --> 00:15:50,639 - No! No! - Ah! 444 00:15:51,708 --> 00:15:53,376 Help! I can't swim! 445 00:15:53,443 --> 00:15:54,710 Damn it! 446 00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:56,311 He just pulled me out of the water and said, 447 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:58,748 "Don't tell anyone I did this." 448 00:15:58,815 --> 00:16:00,215 I didn't even get a chance to congratulate him 449 00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:01,717 on his Oscar. 450 00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:03,651 Modesty and heroism. 451 00:16:03,719 --> 00:16:06,855 Two words forever synonymous with Tracy Jordan. 452 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:10,091 "Tracy Jordan saves drowning man"? 453 00:16:10,158 --> 00:16:12,260 Ah, come on! 454 00:16:12,327 --> 00:16:13,828 Why is Tracy off rescuing people? 455 00:16:13,896 --> 00:16:14,896 Why isn't he here? 456 00:16:14,963 --> 00:16:16,163 He will be, I promise. 457 00:16:16,231 --> 00:16:17,265 And we need to be ready. 458 00:16:17,332 --> 00:16:18,499 Lutz, what are you working on? 459 00:16:18,566 --> 00:16:19,733 Breathing through my mouth 460 00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:21,067 so I don't smell the throw-up on s shirt. 461 00:16:22,136 --> 00:16:23,203 I would take my shirt off, 462 00:16:23,271 --> 00:16:24,204 but I visited my rescue chimp 463 00:16:24,272 --> 00:16:25,906 for his birthday last week, 464 00:16:25,973 --> 00:16:28,675 and another chimp got mad and bit my nipple off. 465 00:16:28,743 --> 00:16:29,777 He played with it, 466 00:16:29,844 --> 00:16:30,778 and then he kissed it, 467 00:16:30,845 --> 00:16:32,279 and then he ate it. 468 00:16:32,346 --> 00:16:33,814 Damn it, lutz. Focus up. 469 00:16:33,882 --> 00:16:35,782 Where's my computer? 470 00:16:35,849 --> 00:16:37,784 Cerie, did you not bring my computer down? 471 00:16:37,851 --> 00:16:39,018 You said you were writing. 472 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,386 I've only seen you use that computer 473 00:16:40,454 --> 00:16:41,954 to look at pictures of Nate Berkus. 474 00:16:42,022 --> 00:16:44,457 Ah! Pwomp! 475 00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:46,526 Hey, Jack, you're friends 476 00:16:46,593 --> 00:16:47,993 with Jeter and Springsteen, right? 477 00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:50,029 Can you call and see if they'll be in the cold open? 478 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,129 They'd have to kiss. 479 00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:52,531 Oh, really, Lemon? 480 00:16:52,598 --> 00:16:53,832 You still need my help? 481 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,867 Five years of my business life wasted, 482 00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:57,836 and I'm still supposed to hold your hand. 483 00:16:57,904 --> 00:17:00,204 Your wet, yet somehow flaky hand. 484 00:17:00,272 --> 00:17:01,907 - What just happened? - You happened. 485 00:17:01,974 --> 00:17:03,475 Sideways Jack was right. 486 00:17:03,543 --> 00:17:04,643 Sideways what? 487 00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:07,645 In here! 488 00:17:07,712 --> 00:17:10,280 Did you also have to evacuate the NBC Store? 489 00:17:10,348 --> 00:17:12,115 No, it's just empty. 490 00:17:12,183 --> 00:17:13,884 This TV nonsense 491 00:17:13,952 --> 00:17:15,252 was supposed to be my stepping stone, 492 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,387 and instead, it's my gravestone. 493 00:17:17,456 --> 00:17:18,956 And do you know whose fault that is? 494 00:17:19,023 --> 00:17:20,658 Sort of feel like you're gonna say Leno. 495 00:17:20,725 --> 00:17:21,826 You. 496 00:17:21,893 --> 00:17:23,993 I got so sucked into trying to repair you 497 00:17:24,061 --> 00:17:25,995 that I became the American auto industry, 498 00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:28,598 failing to recognize that you can't fix a Lemon 499 00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:29,966 Wow, yeah, because the last five years 500 00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:32,469 have been so great for me with you as my mentor. 501 00:17:32,536 --> 00:17:34,337 I was better off before we met. 502 00:17:34,404 --> 00:17:35,505 So what's your point, Lemon? 503 00:17:35,573 --> 00:17:37,239 You'd rather be doing The Girlie Show 504 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,341 and going home to Dennis? 505 00:17:38,408 --> 00:17:39,608 I didn't say that. 506 00:17:39,676 --> 00:17:41,076 But at least Dennis was always there for me. 507 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,778 He's the only guy I can say that about. 508 00:17:42,846 --> 00:17:44,713 I dragged you down? 509 00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:45,814 Opposite! 510 00:17:45,882 --> 00:17:47,115 I should have gone with my gut 511 00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:48,316 and fired you when we first met. 512 00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:50,919 What? Flashback, please. 513 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,020 Uh, Pete, hang back. 514 00:17:52,088 --> 00:17:56,123 Yeah, you bet. 515 00:17:56,191 --> 00:17:57,157 We have a problem. 516 00:17:57,225 --> 00:17:58,659 I can explain. My zipper broke. 517 00:17:58,727 --> 00:18:00,862 I don't think Liz Lemon's female voice 518 00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:02,463 is a good match for Tracy Jordan. 519 00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:05,032 Firing Lemon will send a message to the whole staff. 520 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,400 No, no, you can't fire Liz. 521 00:18:06,468 --> 00:18:07,668 This show is her life. 522 00:18:07,736 --> 00:18:08,836 She hasn't got much going on. 523 00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,871 She threw a birthday party for her TV. 524 00:18:10,938 --> 00:18:12,839 If you fire Liz, then-- 525 00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:14,307 then I quit. 526 00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:16,075 You'll never succeed by sticking your neck out 527 00:18:16,143 --> 00:18:17,276 for someone like her. 528 00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:19,445 But if that's how you feel, so be it. 529 00:18:19,514 --> 00:18:23,016 The important thing is that I fire someone... 530 00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:24,117 Pete. 531 00:18:24,184 --> 00:18:25,719 You tried to fire me? 532 00:18:25,786 --> 00:18:26,785 And then a week later, you're like, 533 00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:28,587 "oh, I want to mentor you." 534 00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:29,922 "Unlikely friendship." 535 00:18:29,990 --> 00:18:31,023 Who do you think you are? 536 00:18:31,090 --> 00:18:32,290 I'll tell you who I was. 537 00:18:32,358 --> 00:18:33,626 That guy that fired Pete. 538 00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:35,160 And he could have run GE, 539 00:18:35,228 --> 00:18:37,563 but instead, he got lemoned. 540 00:18:37,631 --> 00:18:39,999 I should have fired you from my life. 541 00:18:42,135 --> 00:18:43,467 I knew you were supposed to push, 542 00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:45,336 but I didn't say anything. 543 00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:46,971 Ugh. 544 00:18:50,175 --> 00:18:51,442 Mmm. 545 00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:53,344 The MSG is delicious today. 546 00:18:53,412 --> 00:18:55,413 I'm so glad that you're able to meet me on my break. 547 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,815 Is this just to talk, or will you be activating 548 00:18:57,883 --> 00:18:58,982 my electric underwear? 549 00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,183 Just to talk. 550 00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:02,819 Paul, do you think I'd be a good mother? 551 00:19:02,887 --> 00:19:05,155 Of course not. And I'd be a terrible father. 552 00:19:05,222 --> 00:19:06,289 I mean, what if we had a child 553 00:19:06,357 --> 00:19:07,624 that was prettier than us? 554 00:19:07,692 --> 00:19:08,825 We'd have to leave it in a desert. 555 00:19:08,893 --> 00:19:10,561 But Kenneth thinks I'd make a good mother. 556 00:19:10,628 --> 00:19:12,128 Oh. 557 00:19:12,196 --> 00:19:13,664 Is that something you want? 558 00:19:13,731 --> 00:19:15,230 Wasn't something I thought about 559 00:19:15,298 --> 00:19:17,967 until Kenneth said I'd be good at it. 560 00:19:18,035 --> 00:19:20,402 And of course, it'd be great for my career. 561 00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:22,638 Everyone would talk about my crazy name choice. 562 00:19:22,706 --> 00:19:25,074 Right now, it's between "Frisbeeface" and "Glock," 563 00:19:25,141 --> 00:19:27,409 gender irrelevant. 564 00:19:27,477 --> 00:19:28,978 I love you, Jenna Maroney. 565 00:19:29,046 --> 00:19:31,145 I want to hogtie you and hide you 566 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:32,814 in the luggage compartment of a Greyhound bus 567 00:19:32,882 --> 00:19:34,215 with just a bowl of dirty water. 568 00:19:34,283 --> 00:19:35,984 I love you too. 569 00:19:36,052 --> 00:19:37,185 But I don't know. 570 00:19:37,252 --> 00:19:38,519 I mean, Kenneth Parcell may be the only man 571 00:19:38,588 --> 00:19:40,521 in the world who thinks you should have a child. 572 00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:41,723 Break's over, Paul. 573 00:19:41,791 --> 00:19:43,257 Crew meeting in Lady Chantarelle's office. 574 00:19:43,325 --> 00:19:46,561 He's pissed. 575 00:19:48,663 --> 00:19:50,864 - Hey, dummy. - Gah! What? 576 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,399 Whoa. You look good. 577 00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:53,734 You lose weight or something? 578 00:19:53,802 --> 00:19:55,268 Your neck, it looks looser. 579 00:19:55,336 --> 00:19:56,637 What are you doing here, Dennis? 580 00:19:56,705 --> 00:19:58,739 I got your message. 581 00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:01,742 What message? 582 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,447 Dennis, it's dummy. 583 00:20:08,515 --> 00:20:09,749 I miss you. 584 00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:10,950 Come see me. 585 00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:16,789 Things were better five years ago, Jack. 586 00:20:16,857 --> 00:20:19,791 I was in my 30s and everything. 587 00:20:27,967 --> 00:20:30,002 Whazzup! 588 00:20:30,069 --> 00:20:31,837 You've reached Dennis' voicemail. 589 00:20:31,904 --> 00:20:33,005 "How you doing?" 590 00:20:33,072 --> 00:20:34,439 Get out of here, Joey. 591 00:20:34,507 --> 00:20:35,740 I'm recording my voicemail message. 592 00:20:37,009 --> 00:20:38,275 Is that real? 593 00:20:38,343 --> 00:20:39,844 Okay, I did call you, 594 00:20:39,911 --> 00:20:40,978 but I was not in my right mind. 595 00:20:41,046 --> 00:20:42,212 I mean, how could I be, 596 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,981 to call you after everything you've done? 597 00:20:44,049 --> 00:20:45,249 Good evening, sir. 598 00:20:45,316 --> 00:20:46,951 I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. 599 00:20:47,019 --> 00:20:48,686 Can I ask you what you're doing here tonight? 600 00:20:48,754 --> 00:20:50,621 Yeah, I'm here to boff some chick named Mary. 601 00:20:50,688 --> 00:20:53,089 Hey... threesome? 602 00:20:53,157 --> 00:20:54,157 How about it, huh? 603 00:20:54,224 --> 00:20:55,258 It's Tonya, right? 604 00:20:55,325 --> 00:20:56,826 It's wonderful service. 605 00:20:56,894 --> 00:21:00,163 Could you maybe not hit on the waitress in front-- 606 00:21:00,230 --> 00:21:01,998 Chew and screw! Run, dummy. 607 00:21:02,066 --> 00:21:04,134 Ah! Damn it, Dennis! 608 00:21:04,201 --> 00:21:05,802 I checked a coat. 609 00:21:05,870 --> 00:21:07,670 But you called me, Liz. 610 00:21:07,704 --> 00:21:08,771 Oh, whatever. 611 00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:09,872 'Cause down deep, you still got 612 00:21:09,939 --> 00:21:11,707 all kinds of queer feelings for me. 613 00:21:11,775 --> 00:21:14,276 That's why I knew someday you'd be all vulnerable 614 00:21:14,343 --> 00:21:16,812 from a gas leak or a coma or a super period. 615 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:17,846 You're disgusting. 616 00:21:17,914 --> 00:21:19,014 And I would be there for you. 617 00:21:19,082 --> 00:21:21,650 No. You know what I feel? 618 00:21:21,718 --> 00:21:22,784 You were a mistake 619 00:21:22,851 --> 00:21:24,185 that I made at a time in my life 620 00:21:24,252 --> 00:21:26,054 when I could afford to make mistakes. 621 00:21:26,121 --> 00:21:27,855 That's what I miss, Dennis, not you. 622 00:21:27,923 --> 00:21:29,323 Okay, gang, they fixed the gas leak. 623 00:21:29,391 --> 00:21:30,624 They're airing out the studio. 624 00:21:30,692 --> 00:21:32,293 We can start heading back up. 625 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:33,827 Whoa, hold on a second. 626 00:21:33,895 --> 00:21:35,796 You think I'm just gonna give up now, huh? 627 00:21:35,863 --> 00:21:38,465 I'm a Duffy, Liz and us Duffys, 628 00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:40,234 we didn't give up when we got kicked out of Ireland. 629 00:21:40,302 --> 00:21:42,035 We didn't give up when America sent us back. 630 00:21:42,103 --> 00:21:43,804 And we didn't give up when Ireland 631 00:21:43,871 --> 00:21:45,972 then just set us adrift on a log, all right? 632 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,575 Come on, it's not over, Liz. 633 00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:52,475 What a day! 634 00:21:53,590 --> 00:21:55,323 Miss Lemon's gonna get Mr. Jordan back. 635 00:21:55,391 --> 00:21:56,991 We're gonna do the best show ever. 636 00:21:57,059 --> 00:21:58,426 And out on the Plaza, 637 00:21:58,494 --> 00:22:00,562 a bird landed on my apple. 638 00:22:00,629 --> 00:22:03,365 I thought he was gonna eat it, but he just sat there. 639 00:22:03,432 --> 00:22:04,833 What's next? 640 00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:07,736 A different bird landing on a different apple? 641 00:22:10,505 --> 00:22:11,705 Where are you, Tray? 642 00:22:11,773 --> 00:22:13,907 - I'm back, Liz Lemon. - Tracy's back!! 643 00:22:13,975 --> 00:22:15,275 - Yeah! - Yes! 644 00:22:15,343 --> 00:22:16,377 I'm gonna need an Obama cold open, 645 00:22:16,444 --> 00:22:17,745 a fart doctor, and you know what? 646 00:22:17,812 --> 00:22:19,079 Write up that bum's Empire State building idea. 647 00:22:19,146 --> 00:22:20,947 Fart doctor. 648 00:22:21,015 --> 00:22:22,883 No, I mean I'm back to where I was yesterday. 649 00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:24,551 I can't get anyone mad at me. 650 00:22:24,619 --> 00:22:26,652 I even called a woman's basketball team 651 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,721 "Nappy-headed hos," but apparently, 652 00:22:28,789 --> 00:22:30,089 I'm allowed to talk like that. 653 00:22:30,156 --> 00:22:31,090 Why? 654 00:22:31,157 --> 00:22:32,492 Tracy, come on. 655 00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:34,293 Tracy Jordan? Why isn't he here? 656 00:22:35,929 --> 00:22:37,597 I just had a meeting with News down on four. 657 00:22:37,664 --> 00:22:40,065 Brian Williams sure gets close to you when he talks. 658 00:22:40,133 --> 00:22:41,467 Very feminine energy. 659 00:22:41,535 --> 00:22:42,901 Anyway, I thought I'd just swing by 660 00:22:42,968 --> 00:22:45,236 and introduce myself to Tracy Jordan, but-- 661 00:22:45,304 --> 00:22:46,705 Ah! He-- he is here. 662 00:22:46,773 --> 00:22:48,540 You know, he just likes to learn his lines 663 00:22:48,608 --> 00:22:50,809 in the bathroom and communicate by phone. 664 00:22:50,877 --> 00:22:52,277 Actors, am I right? 665 00:22:52,344 --> 00:22:54,546 You know, I once had to speak to the Screen Actors Guild. 666 00:22:54,614 --> 00:22:56,047 Bunch of nutjobs. 667 00:22:56,115 --> 00:22:59,617 But you couldn't make movies and TV without 'em. 668 00:23:02,186 --> 00:23:03,487 I'm just kidding! 669 00:23:03,555 --> 00:23:04,889 I mean, look at March of the Penguins. 670 00:23:04,956 --> 00:23:05,890 Who was in that? 671 00:23:05,957 --> 00:23:07,324 Good luck tonight. 672 00:23:07,392 --> 00:23:10,494 You're gonna need it. 673 00:23:10,562 --> 00:23:11,862 Tracy, you can do this. 674 00:23:11,930 --> 00:23:13,898 You have to be at the show tonight. 675 00:23:13,965 --> 00:23:15,164 Tracy who? 676 00:23:15,232 --> 00:23:17,233 I don't even know who I am anymore. 677 00:23:17,301 --> 00:23:19,736 Look, you think the world has turned its back on you? 678 00:23:19,804 --> 00:23:22,338 I know a place where that's not true. 679 00:23:22,406 --> 00:23:24,741 A place where you can remember the man you used to be. 680 00:23:24,809 --> 00:23:26,342 A place where you can eat buffet ribs 681 00:23:26,410 --> 00:23:28,878 while someone's daughter shakes her crack at you. 682 00:23:28,946 --> 00:23:31,847 Tracy Jordan, I am taking you to a strip club. 683 00:23:35,585 --> 00:23:36,585 Oh, excuse me, miss. 684 00:23:36,653 --> 00:23:38,119 How much is a lap dance? 685 00:23:38,187 --> 00:23:39,387 I'm a little light on cash, 686 00:23:39,456 --> 00:23:40,956 but I have a PayPal account. 687 00:23:41,023 --> 00:23:43,358 Oh, my God. Tracy Jordan? 688 00:23:43,426 --> 00:23:45,093 That's right. Party time. 689 00:23:45,161 --> 00:23:47,328 When I saw you in Hard to Watch... 690 00:23:47,395 --> 00:23:48,529 No, no, keep it light. 691 00:23:48,597 --> 00:23:50,097 You inspired me to contact 692 00:23:50,165 --> 00:23:51,799 my biological father. 693 00:23:51,867 --> 00:23:52,934 No daddy stuff. 694 00:23:53,001 --> 00:23:55,336 I hadn't spoken to him in 13 years. 695 00:23:55,403 --> 00:23:57,104 Maybe show him your butt. 696 00:23:57,172 --> 00:24:00,074 There are tears falling on her boobies, Liz Lemon. 697 00:24:01,610 --> 00:24:03,376 I know you've been molested. 698 00:24:03,444 --> 00:24:05,144 That's how we all got here, 699 00:24:05,212 --> 00:24:06,613 but I don't want to hear about it. 700 00:24:06,681 --> 00:24:08,882 I just wanted to let you know 701 00:24:08,950 --> 00:24:10,183 that I'm going into the Navy. 702 00:24:10,250 --> 00:24:12,586 Because like you said in your movie, 703 00:24:12,653 --> 00:24:14,888 "I invent my tomorrow." 704 00:24:14,956 --> 00:24:16,523 But I wasn't even supposed to say that. 705 00:24:16,591 --> 00:24:19,692 The line was, "Shereen, I hope Dr. Mogutu has good news 706 00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:20,993 "about my endoscopy," 707 00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:22,361 but I couldn't get it right, 708 00:24:22,428 --> 00:24:23,829 so they told me to improv. 709 00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:25,263 Come on, guys. 710 00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:26,532 I'm making it rain. 711 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,400 You see what you've done, Liz Lemon? 712 00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,903 Tracy Jordan is broken. 713 00:24:30,971 --> 00:24:31,904 It's over. 714 00:24:31,972 --> 00:24:33,506 Get off stage! 715 00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:34,606 No whites! 716 00:24:35,673 --> 00:24:37,141 You wanted to see me, miss Maroney? 717 00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:38,910 Oh, my. 718 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:42,346 Candles, incense, Disco music. 719 00:24:42,414 --> 00:24:44,716 Someone's getting into the easter spirit. 720 00:24:44,783 --> 00:24:45,817 No, Kenneth. 721 00:24:45,885 --> 00:24:47,552 Do you remember that silly joke 722 00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:49,587 about me having your baby? 723 00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:51,054 Yes. 724 00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:52,990 - So crazy. - I know. 725 00:24:53,057 --> 00:24:55,592 It's crazy... 726 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:58,862 Unless you're into it. 727 00:24:58,930 --> 00:24:59,930 What? 728 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,865 No, ma'am. That would be wrong. 729 00:25:01,933 --> 00:25:03,534 We're not married. 730 00:25:03,601 --> 00:25:05,702 And we're different religions. 731 00:25:05,770 --> 00:25:06,702 We can do whatever we want. 732 00:25:06,770 --> 00:25:08,037 Miss Maroney, 733 00:25:08,104 --> 00:25:11,340 I'd do anything for you or mr. Jordan, 734 00:25:11,408 --> 00:25:12,608 but this is wrong. 735 00:25:12,676 --> 00:25:16,478 But, Kenneth, you might be my only chance. 736 00:25:20,183 --> 00:25:22,117 No! 737 00:25:22,185 --> 00:25:24,953 Fine. I'll get you when you're sleeping. 738 00:25:25,021 --> 00:25:28,089 It's not rape if neither party really wants it. 739 00:25:33,095 --> 00:25:34,395 You're back. 740 00:25:34,463 --> 00:25:35,864 Yeah, and this is my front. 741 00:25:35,932 --> 00:25:36,865 Thanks for setting me up 742 00:25:36,933 --> 00:25:38,367 with another classic quote. 743 00:25:38,435 --> 00:25:41,001 I borrowed your whale semen candle. It didn't work, by the way. 744 00:25:41,069 --> 00:25:42,102 You can keep it. 745 00:25:42,170 --> 00:25:43,837 I'm just packing up a few things, 746 00:25:43,905 --> 00:25:44,838 and then I'm gone. 747 00:25:44,906 --> 00:25:46,574 Wait. Where are you going? 748 00:25:46,641 --> 00:25:47,875 I'm quitting show business. 749 00:25:47,943 --> 00:25:49,977 I can't stop the horrible respect 750 00:25:50,045 --> 00:25:51,979 people have for me. 751 00:25:52,047 --> 00:25:54,147 Tracy, you can't do that. 752 00:25:54,215 --> 00:25:56,616 Look, I would never say this on the record. 753 00:25:56,684 --> 00:26:00,352 Of course. This is all off the record. 754 00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:03,355 The show needs you, and I need you. 755 00:26:03,423 --> 00:26:05,058 I'd rather do the show than have a baby. 756 00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:07,594 - But you don't understand. - Oh, I do understand. 757 00:26:07,661 --> 00:26:09,395 Look at Roman Polanski. 758 00:26:09,463 --> 00:26:10,396 No, thank you. 759 00:26:10,464 --> 00:26:11,964 Or Elia Kazan. 760 00:26:12,031 --> 00:26:14,432 He told the government his friends were communists, 761 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:16,401 then got a standing ovation at the Oscars. 762 00:26:16,469 --> 00:26:17,769 That's crazy. 763 00:26:17,837 --> 00:26:19,071 A man named "Elia." 764 00:26:19,138 --> 00:26:20,706 That's a giraffe's name. 765 00:26:20,773 --> 00:26:22,507 You know, when you think about it, 766 00:26:22,575 --> 00:26:25,477 the only celebrities who completely undo their goodwill 767 00:26:25,544 --> 00:26:26,711 are the murderers. 768 00:26:26,778 --> 00:26:29,146 John Wilkes Booth, Phil Spector, 769 00:26:29,214 --> 00:26:32,249 OJ Simpson, who texted me earlier today. 770 00:26:32,317 --> 00:26:35,051 Shoot someone, huh? 771 00:26:35,067 --> 00:26:37,051 Nah. That's crazy, even for us 772 00:26:37,122 --> 00:26:38,990 I guess it would take a pretty big gas leak 773 00:26:39,057 --> 00:26:41,458 to make you think that was a good idea. 774 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,794 All right! 775 00:26:44,862 --> 00:26:47,664 100th episode, 100 hours of comedy. 776 00:26:47,732 --> 00:26:48,798 Minus the commercials. 777 00:26:48,866 --> 00:26:53,503 20 hours of comedy. 778 00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:55,238 - Hey, dummy. - Damn it. 779 00:26:55,305 --> 00:26:56,539 Look, Liz, 780 00:26:56,607 --> 00:26:58,008 if this is gonna work out between you and me, 781 00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:01,276 you should know my tarantula sleeps on my face. 782 00:27:01,344 --> 00:27:02,377 Oh, my God. 783 00:27:02,445 --> 00:27:03,612 My show is getting cancelled, 784 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,380 I'm never speaking to Jack Donaghy again, 785 00:27:05,448 --> 00:27:06,649 and the worst thing that happened to me today 786 00:27:06,716 --> 00:27:07,650 is that you showed up. 787 00:27:07,717 --> 00:27:08,851 Ah, 'cause you called me. 788 00:27:08,918 --> 00:27:10,318 When I was high on gas. 789 00:27:10,386 --> 00:27:12,087 Do you not understand what that means? 790 00:27:12,155 --> 00:27:13,188 No, not really. 791 00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:15,023 Gas has no effect on me at all. 792 00:27:15,090 --> 00:27:16,557 When I was growing up, my school, 793 00:27:16,625 --> 00:27:18,726 Gerry cooney elementary, it was right next 794 00:27:18,794 --> 00:27:21,295 to a gas works in Queens. 795 00:27:21,363 --> 00:27:22,563 It ventilated into the Cafeteria. 796 00:27:22,631 --> 00:27:24,632 We got a big settlement from the city. 797 00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:26,267 Our parents voted to spend it on a boat 798 00:27:26,334 --> 00:27:28,803 that the families could share, but then that sank. 799 00:27:28,871 --> 00:27:30,704 But you know what? 800 00:27:30,772 --> 00:27:32,639 I'm still smart enough to know 801 00:27:32,707 --> 00:27:35,142 that I'll never do better than you, Liz Lemon, 802 00:27:35,209 --> 00:27:36,877 'cause you're a cook in the bedroom 803 00:27:36,944 --> 00:27:38,011 and a whore in the kitchen. 804 00:27:38,079 --> 00:27:39,813 So I'm gonna give you one more shot 805 00:27:39,881 --> 00:27:42,049 to admit to me that you keep bringing me back 806 00:27:42,116 --> 00:27:44,818 into your life for a reason. 807 00:27:44,886 --> 00:27:46,919 Subhas, take out the trash. 808 00:27:46,987 --> 00:27:48,253 Don't order me around, woman. 809 00:27:48,321 --> 00:27:50,522 No, I mean-- just-- 810 00:27:50,590 --> 00:27:53,192 Dennis, get out. 811 00:27:53,259 --> 00:27:56,562 You'll change your mind. 812 00:28:06,806 --> 00:28:08,139 Let's rock, Duffy. 813 00:28:16,806 --> 00:28:17,939 You again! 814 00:28:18,006 --> 00:28:19,039 Wait a minute... 815 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,139 - You're not Sideways Jack! - I'm Past Jack. 816 00:28:22,211 --> 00:28:24,211 Because I'm from the past? And I'm you? 817 00:28:24,279 --> 00:28:25,546 - Yeah, get it. - Do you? 818 00:28:25,647 --> 00:28:26,914 'Cause it seems like 819 00:28:26,982 --> 00:28:29,584 you don't get much of anything anymore, old man. 820 00:28:29,651 --> 00:28:32,219 If you're my future, I'm gonna jump. 821 00:28:32,287 --> 00:28:33,220 Stop him! 822 00:28:33,288 --> 00:28:34,221 If he jumps, 823 00:28:34,289 --> 00:28:35,589 we don't exist anymore. 824 00:28:35,656 --> 00:28:37,156 I'm perfectly aware of that. 825 00:28:37,224 --> 00:28:38,558 I studied time dilation 826 00:28:38,626 --> 00:28:40,560 and quantum teleportation in college. 827 00:28:40,628 --> 00:28:42,328 No, you didn't. You saw Time Cop. 828 00:28:42,397 --> 00:28:43,930 Really? I never saw Time Cop. 829 00:28:43,998 --> 00:28:46,633 You will in 2007, and you'll love it. 830 00:28:46,701 --> 00:28:48,334 Why are you talking like that? 831 00:28:48,403 --> 00:28:51,069 This is how everyone talked in the '80s. 832 00:28:51,137 --> 00:28:52,772 This is how Reagan talked. 833 00:28:52,839 --> 00:28:55,974 Look, there's still time to fix this, Jack. 834 00:28:56,042 --> 00:28:57,810 You need to kick ass again, 835 00:28:57,878 --> 00:28:59,445 starting with getting rid of that woman. 836 00:28:59,513 --> 00:29:00,946 Listen to him. 837 00:29:01,014 --> 00:29:03,015 He's awesome, and you know he's right. 838 00:29:03,082 --> 00:29:04,717 Fire Lemon? 839 00:29:04,785 --> 00:29:05,984 I don't know if I can do that. 840 00:29:06,052 --> 00:29:07,786 Well, then, take this! 841 00:29:07,853 --> 00:29:09,888 Oh, God! 842 00:29:09,955 --> 00:29:11,088 That only hurt me. 843 00:29:11,156 --> 00:29:13,291 Why did I think that would hurt you too? 844 00:29:13,358 --> 00:29:15,794 Jack, be the man you were meant to be. 845 00:29:15,861 --> 00:29:16,861 Me. 846 00:29:16,929 --> 00:29:19,230 This tuxedo is made out of the Puma 847 00:29:19,298 --> 00:29:21,332 that I rode into my 50th birthday party. 848 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,300 Why are you both wearing tuxedos? 849 00:29:23,367 --> 00:29:25,536 It's after 6:00. What are we, farmers? 850 00:29:25,603 --> 00:29:27,771 Now go get rid of that woman. 851 00:29:31,175 --> 00:29:33,043 Just want to check everything out 852 00:29:33,110 --> 00:29:34,945 after your little gas scare. 853 00:29:35,012 --> 00:29:36,513 Well, my pen light is working. 854 00:29:36,581 --> 00:29:37,815 That's good. 855 00:29:37,882 --> 00:29:39,615 Now, can you say the alphabet for me? 856 00:29:39,683 --> 00:29:41,884 Well, a very, very heavy-- 857 00:29:41,953 --> 00:29:44,287 uh, heavy, du-- bertation tonight. 858 00:29:44,355 --> 00:29:46,856 We had a very dairse-- dareson by-- 859 00:29:46,924 --> 00:29:48,158 let's go ahead and tersh-tayson 860 00:29:48,225 --> 00:29:49,225 lets gotobit anhaddapit. 861 00:29:49,293 --> 00:29:52,728 Excellent. 862 00:29:52,796 --> 00:29:54,230 My God, Jenna. 863 00:29:54,298 --> 00:29:56,365 Are you pregnant? How? 864 00:29:56,433 --> 00:29:58,067 Did you go swimming in a public pool? 865 00:29:58,134 --> 00:30:00,235 No, I got in my head about having a baby, 866 00:30:00,303 --> 00:30:02,537 and now I'm having a hysterical pregnancy. 867 00:30:02,605 --> 00:30:03,705 Well, that's redundant. 868 00:30:03,773 --> 00:30:05,107 All pregnancies are hysterical. 869 00:30:05,175 --> 00:30:07,376 They're started by penises. 870 00:30:07,444 --> 00:30:08,510 This should be perfect. 871 00:30:08,578 --> 00:30:10,212 I mean, all I want is the attention. 872 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,313 So why am I not happy? 873 00:30:12,381 --> 00:30:14,882 I mean, on some level, do I want to have a baby? 874 00:30:14,950 --> 00:30:16,584 Do I want to be a mother? 875 00:30:16,651 --> 00:30:17,986 Should I be a mother? 876 00:30:18,053 --> 00:30:20,321 Bored! 877 00:30:20,389 --> 00:30:21,422 Hey. 878 00:30:21,490 --> 00:30:22,756 Greta Johannsen, your animal wrangler. 879 00:30:22,824 --> 00:30:26,060 My God, you're beautiful. 880 00:30:26,128 --> 00:30:29,196 ? if you say good-bye tonight ? 881 00:30:29,263 --> 00:30:34,001 ? all I'll have will be my memories ? 882 00:30:34,068 --> 00:30:37,037 ? so keep on reaching for the light ? 883 00:30:37,105 --> 00:30:42,942 ? I now believe these are my memories ? 884 00:30:43,010 --> 00:30:45,677 ? my memories ? 885 00:30:47,481 --> 00:30:51,317 Mr. Jordan, I refuse to accept this is happening. 886 00:30:51,385 --> 00:30:54,053 You leaving is as crazy to me as evolution, 887 00:30:54,121 --> 00:30:56,055 or a woman's right to choose her haircut. 888 00:30:56,123 --> 00:30:58,424 I'm sorry, Ken, but maybe Jenna was right. 889 00:30:58,492 --> 00:30:59,557 The only way I could come back 890 00:30:59,625 --> 00:31:00,725 is if I shoot someone, 891 00:31:00,792 --> 00:31:01,859 and that's crazy. 892 00:31:01,927 --> 00:31:03,528 Or is it? 893 00:31:03,595 --> 00:31:05,030 Maybe it's a good idea. 894 00:31:05,097 --> 00:31:06,431 I don't know. 895 00:31:06,499 --> 00:31:08,933 It has a nice, simple logic to it. 896 00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:10,868 Why don't we take a deep breath 897 00:31:10,936 --> 00:31:13,238 and then both say what we think we should do. 898 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:16,173 - You should shoot me... - I should shoot you... 899 00:31:16,241 --> 00:31:17,374 - on the roof of 30 Rock! - on the roof of 30 Rock! 900 00:31:18,876 --> 00:31:21,078 I only ask one thing, sir. 901 00:31:21,146 --> 00:31:22,579 Make it quick. 902 00:31:22,647 --> 00:31:24,915 I cannot promise you that, Ken. 903 00:31:24,982 --> 00:31:26,517 I'm a horrible shot. 904 00:31:26,584 --> 00:31:27,851 To the roof. 905 00:31:34,724 --> 00:31:36,926 - Hey, dummy. - Hey. 906 00:31:36,993 --> 00:31:38,094 You ready to sign that lease? 907 00:31:38,162 --> 00:31:39,728 You know how we were talking earlier 908 00:31:39,796 --> 00:31:41,330 about me moving in with you and how hard it is 909 00:31:41,398 --> 00:31:42,798 to kick a tenant out in New York? 910 00:31:42,866 --> 00:31:43,866 Just think about it. 911 00:31:43,934 --> 00:31:46,135 I'll make you chili every night. 912 00:31:46,203 --> 00:31:47,270 I'll provide for you. 913 00:31:47,337 --> 00:31:48,604 I have a new business idea. 914 00:31:48,672 --> 00:31:50,472 It's like Netflix, but you go to a store, 915 00:31:50,540 --> 00:31:52,608 and you pick out your video from a limited selection. 916 00:31:52,676 --> 00:31:54,509 - It'd be like five years ago. - Exactly. 917 00:31:54,578 --> 00:31:56,478 I can move my stuff in tonight, right? 918 00:31:56,546 --> 00:31:58,614 I just have one duffel bag in a sidecar. 919 00:31:58,682 --> 00:31:59,648 My motorcycle got impounded 920 00:31:59,716 --> 00:32:01,316 from being parked too awesome. 921 00:32:01,384 --> 00:32:02,618 I just need you to sign this lease I printed up 922 00:32:02,686 --> 00:32:03,818 off the Internet. 923 00:32:03,886 --> 00:32:05,920 Okay, I need a pen. 924 00:32:05,988 --> 00:32:07,055 You don't have a pen? 925 00:32:07,122 --> 00:32:08,289 You're a writer, Liz. 926 00:32:08,356 --> 00:32:10,024 All I have is this kick-ass laser pointer 927 00:32:10,092 --> 00:32:11,826 that I point at nerds' crotches in the park. 928 00:32:11,894 --> 00:32:13,394 Oh, wait. 929 00:32:13,462 --> 00:32:18,066 All we have is this kick-ass laser pointer. 930 00:32:18,133 --> 00:32:20,166 Come on, baby. Let's go find a pen. 931 00:32:20,234 --> 00:32:25,371 Okay. 932 00:32:28,542 --> 00:32:29,576 Oh, no. 933 00:32:29,644 --> 00:32:31,078 Let me introduce myself. 934 00:32:31,145 --> 00:32:33,080 I am-- 935 00:32:33,147 --> 00:32:34,715 Future Jack, obviously. 936 00:32:34,782 --> 00:32:36,315 Is that what we're wearing in ten years? 937 00:32:36,382 --> 00:32:38,017 More like 35 years. 938 00:32:38,085 --> 00:32:40,686 You're 87 years old? 939 00:32:40,754 --> 00:32:42,421 My God, I'm outstanding. 940 00:32:42,489 --> 00:32:44,123 I like to think so. 941 00:32:44,190 --> 00:32:46,692 I've come all the way from the future-- 942 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,161 which is a lot harder than coming from the past-- 943 00:32:49,229 --> 00:32:50,496 Whatever, pops. 944 00:32:50,563 --> 00:32:52,764 To warn you not to listen to the other Jacks. 945 00:32:52,832 --> 00:32:55,667 In the future, you're happier than you ever imagined. 946 00:32:55,735 --> 00:32:59,904 You have grandchildren and a gorgeous Polyblasian wife. 947 00:32:59,972 --> 00:33:03,407 That's a new race that emerges in 2030. 948 00:33:03,475 --> 00:33:04,709 They're incredible. 949 00:33:04,777 --> 00:33:06,978 - What happened to Avery? - Oh, you'll see. 950 00:33:07,046 --> 00:33:08,646 It's hilarious. 951 00:33:08,713 --> 00:33:11,849 Yeah, but what about his, your, our career? 952 00:33:11,916 --> 00:33:13,684 Don't we wanna be this dude? 953 00:33:13,752 --> 00:33:17,821 Younger me's, business is only a part of life. 954 00:33:17,889 --> 00:33:20,057 - Real happiness... - Ah, shut up. 955 00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:21,825 Don't listen to his crap, Jack. 956 00:33:21,893 --> 00:33:25,094 If you choose my path, you'll be plenty happy. 957 00:33:25,162 --> 00:33:26,295 You'll spearhead GE's development 958 00:33:26,363 --> 00:33:27,864 of the electric vagina. 959 00:33:27,931 --> 00:33:29,666 You won't be married, but you'll have a house 960 00:33:29,733 --> 00:33:31,433 with a lot of glass, and it's cold. 961 00:33:31,501 --> 00:33:33,536 And you'll own the Buffalo Bills. 962 00:33:33,603 --> 00:33:35,638 You didn't say it was the Bills. 963 00:33:35,706 --> 00:33:36,873 Look, right now, 964 00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:39,241 Liz Lemon is downstairs about to sign a lease 965 00:33:39,309 --> 00:33:40,408 with Dennis Duffy. 966 00:33:40,476 --> 00:33:42,177 If she does that, you'll lose her. 967 00:33:42,244 --> 00:33:43,879 In three years, they'll be married 968 00:33:43,946 --> 00:33:46,314 and living in Jacksonville, Florida, 969 00:33:46,382 --> 00:33:49,184 where he operates an unlicensed alligator park. 970 00:33:49,251 --> 00:33:50,351 Jacksonville? 971 00:33:50,419 --> 00:33:52,320 Her hair can't handle that humidity. 972 00:33:52,388 --> 00:33:54,756 No, I don't care. I'm tired of saving her. 973 00:33:54,824 --> 00:33:57,191 To quote Liz Lemon, "Opposite!" 974 00:33:57,258 --> 00:33:59,160 You'd be saving yourself. 975 00:33:59,227 --> 00:34:01,328 The only way to get my life 976 00:34:01,396 --> 00:34:04,264 is to be distracted from your blind ambition, 977 00:34:04,332 --> 00:34:06,000 and you can't do that 978 00:34:06,068 --> 00:34:08,268 without Liz Lemon in your life. 979 00:34:08,336 --> 00:34:10,204 Jack, this guy is just trying to justify 980 00:34:10,271 --> 00:34:11,471 his own bad choices. 981 00:34:11,539 --> 00:34:13,106 Go down there and fire Liz. 982 00:34:20,681 --> 00:34:21,715 Okay. 983 00:34:21,782 --> 00:34:22,949 We're obviously all thinking it, 984 00:34:23,017 --> 00:34:24,184 so I'm just gonna say it. 985 00:34:24,251 --> 00:34:26,352 We're gonna have sex with each other, right? 986 00:34:26,420 --> 00:34:28,954 - Yeah, we are. - Oh, my! 987 00:34:29,022 --> 00:34:31,456 Lemon, don't sign that lease! 988 00:34:31,524 --> 00:34:33,558 - Why are you here? - Just sign it, dummy. 989 00:34:33,626 --> 00:34:34,626 It's a receipt for some lez pants 990 00:34:34,694 --> 00:34:38,163 - you bought or whatever. - No. 991 00:34:38,231 --> 00:34:40,599 If you have a problem, I will fight you, Dennis. 992 00:34:40,666 --> 00:34:42,034 That wouldn't be very fair. 993 00:34:42,102 --> 00:34:43,602 I'm only trained to fight four or more men at a time. 994 00:34:43,669 --> 00:34:44,902 There are three more of me upstairs, 995 00:34:44,970 --> 00:34:46,070 and I'd be happy to go get them. 996 00:34:46,138 --> 00:34:47,238 I can't. I hurt my wrist. 997 00:34:47,305 --> 00:34:48,305 Hey, people. 998 00:34:48,373 --> 00:34:50,441 Somebody sabotaged the gas line. 999 00:34:50,508 --> 00:34:52,676 People could've died or had fights. 1000 00:34:52,745 --> 00:34:54,278 What? Who would do that? 1001 00:34:54,346 --> 00:34:57,681 Hey, grab that black guy. 1002 00:34:57,750 --> 00:34:58,682 It was you. 1003 00:34:58,751 --> 00:34:59,883 What are you, mad at me, Liz? 1004 00:34:59,951 --> 00:35:01,584 Huh? I did it for love. 1005 00:35:01,652 --> 00:35:04,087 You're insane. 1006 00:35:04,155 --> 00:35:05,555 Hey, hey, hey, guys. 1007 00:35:05,623 --> 00:35:07,090 Hands off the jacket, all right? 1008 00:35:07,158 --> 00:35:09,226 It's from Amar'e Stoudemire's eveningwear collection. 1009 00:35:09,293 --> 00:35:10,961 If I ever see you again, I'll kill you. 1010 00:35:11,028 --> 00:35:13,329 Please. You'll be back. 1011 00:35:13,397 --> 00:35:15,232 All right, the gas is clearing out. 1012 00:35:15,299 --> 00:35:16,665 It should be okay in time for the show. 1013 00:35:16,733 --> 00:35:17,867 According to my device here. 1014 00:35:17,934 --> 00:35:19,201 Good work, Jennifer. 1015 00:35:19,269 --> 00:35:21,070 Oh, my God, the show. I gotta load in an audience. 1016 00:35:21,138 --> 00:35:22,972 I gotta distribute scripts. 1017 00:35:23,039 --> 00:35:25,241 I gotta change Jenna's blood. I need Kenneth. 1018 00:35:25,308 --> 00:35:26,541 Forget about Kenneth. 1019 00:35:26,609 --> 00:35:28,677 I told Hank Cooper that Tracy Jordan would be here. 1020 00:35:28,745 --> 00:35:30,079 Where is the star of your show? 1021 00:35:30,147 --> 00:35:31,180 Right here. 1022 00:35:31,248 --> 00:35:32,446 I know you're talking about Tracy, 1023 00:35:32,514 --> 00:35:33,514 but I don't care. 1024 00:35:33,582 --> 00:35:36,151 Tracy and Kenneth went to the roof 1025 00:35:36,218 --> 00:35:37,252 with a gun. 1026 00:35:37,319 --> 00:35:38,253 Why? 1027 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:39,287 Because I gave Tracy the idea 1028 00:35:39,354 --> 00:35:40,755 to kill the only man 1029 00:35:40,823 --> 00:35:42,123 who would ever have a baby with me. 1030 00:35:52,017 --> 00:35:54,151 - Nothing to see here, Mr. man. - No, sir. 1031 00:35:54,252 --> 00:35:55,987 Hello, Kabletown family members. 1032 00:35:56,054 --> 00:35:59,457 And my favorite actress, Jenna. 1033 00:35:59,525 --> 00:36:01,158 When TGS gets cancelled, I mean if, 1034 00:36:01,226 --> 00:36:02,694 when TGS gets cancelled, 1035 00:36:02,761 --> 00:36:04,496 we need to talk about your future. 1036 00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:06,663 I know what my future holds, Hank. 1037 00:36:06,731 --> 00:36:07,664 Motherhood. 1038 00:36:07,732 --> 00:36:08,999 It's a surprise to me, 1039 00:36:09,066 --> 00:36:10,767 but I have so much love to give. 1040 00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:11,935 Well, why couldn't you be a mother 1041 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,704 and do a daytime talk show? 1042 00:36:13,771 --> 00:36:15,405 Well, because the talk show will be my baby. 1043 00:36:15,473 --> 00:36:16,974 I'm not gonna be held back by some uterus turd. 1044 00:36:17,041 --> 00:36:19,275 Let's call my agent. 1045 00:36:19,343 --> 00:36:22,345 Oh, my God. Your stomach. 1046 00:36:26,717 --> 00:36:28,417 For some reason, 1047 00:36:28,485 --> 00:36:30,285 I'm starting to rethink this, sir. 1048 00:36:30,353 --> 00:36:32,221 We all have doubt, k-tel records. 1049 00:36:32,288 --> 00:36:33,990 But we made a decision. 1050 00:36:34,057 --> 00:36:35,791 And we'll look stupid if we don't follow through. 1051 00:36:35,859 --> 00:36:36,993 Okay. 1052 00:36:37,060 --> 00:36:40,395 Just please tell my mother-- 1053 00:36:40,462 --> 00:36:42,463 My bad. That was an accident. 1054 00:36:42,532 --> 00:36:44,900 Tracy, stop! 1055 00:36:44,967 --> 00:36:47,135 Don't startle me when I'm holding a gun. 1056 00:36:47,202 --> 00:36:48,737 Use your head, Liz Lemon. 1057 00:36:48,804 --> 00:36:52,273 For God's sakes, Tracy, give me that gun! 1058 00:36:52,341 --> 00:36:53,708 Ugh! 1059 00:36:53,776 --> 00:36:55,075 Do you have any idea how much paperwork 1060 00:36:55,143 --> 00:36:56,844 I would have to do if you shot Kenneth? 1061 00:36:56,912 --> 00:36:59,246 I didn't know that, Jack. I'm sorry. 1062 00:36:59,313 --> 00:37:03,517 I'm just trying to get people to stop respecting me. 1063 00:37:03,585 --> 00:37:06,420 Tracy, you want to destroy the goodwill you have 1064 00:37:06,487 --> 00:37:08,822 so you can go back to your easy TV job? 1065 00:37:08,890 --> 00:37:11,157 Yes, even more than I want to shoot Kenneth. 1066 00:37:11,224 --> 00:37:12,725 Then all you have to do is go back 1067 00:37:12,793 --> 00:37:14,193 to your easy TV job. 1068 00:37:14,261 --> 00:37:16,596 - What? - Do TV. 1069 00:37:16,664 --> 00:37:20,099 And no one will ever take you seriously again. 1070 00:37:20,167 --> 00:37:22,635 Doesn't matter how big a movie star you are, 1071 00:37:22,703 --> 00:37:24,003 even if you have the kind of career 1072 00:37:24,071 --> 00:37:27,039 where you walked away from a blockbuster franchise 1073 00:37:27,106 --> 00:37:31,209 or worked with Meryl Streep or Anthony Hopkins, 1074 00:37:31,277 --> 00:37:33,912 made important movies about things like civil rights 1075 00:37:33,980 --> 00:37:35,881 or Pearl Harbor, 1076 00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:37,883 stole films with supporting roles 1077 00:37:37,951 --> 00:37:40,351 and then turned around and blew them away on Broadway. 1078 00:37:40,419 --> 00:37:43,454 None of that will matter once you do television. 1079 00:37:43,521 --> 00:37:45,556 You could win every award in sight 1080 00:37:45,624 --> 00:37:48,459 and be the biggest thing on the small screen, 1081 00:37:48,526 --> 00:37:49,760 and you'll still get laughed 1082 00:37:49,828 --> 00:37:53,064 out of the Vanity Fair Oscar party. 1083 00:37:53,131 --> 00:37:55,600 by Greg Kinnear. 1084 00:37:55,667 --> 00:37:57,969 Tracy, your career hit rock bottom 1085 00:37:58,036 --> 00:38:00,470 the first time you decided to do TGS. 1086 00:38:00,537 --> 00:38:04,240 You want it to hit rock bottom again? 1087 00:38:04,308 --> 00:38:05,642 Go on Network television. 1088 00:38:05,710 --> 00:38:08,478 Let's make some TV! 1089 00:38:08,545 --> 00:38:11,214 - Yeah. - We have five minutes! 1090 00:38:13,283 --> 00:38:15,117 Whoa, whoa, uh-uh. Uh-uh, uh-uh. 1091 00:38:15,184 --> 00:38:16,451 I'm sorry, folks. While we were working 1092 00:38:16,519 --> 00:38:18,220 on the gas line, we somehow broke the elevator. 1093 00:38:18,287 --> 00:38:19,387 She's an old building. 1094 00:38:19,455 --> 00:38:23,025 You're gonna have to take the stairs. 1095 00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:25,694 I'm okay! 1096 00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:28,631 Least I made it through my last day. 1097 00:38:35,571 --> 00:38:37,105 Darn it. 1098 00:38:37,173 --> 00:38:39,073 Excuse me. The elevators are out. 1099 00:38:39,142 --> 00:38:41,743 - Do you know how-- - Shut up, Garkle. 1100 00:38:41,810 --> 00:38:44,279 Well, if it isn't Jack 1101 00:38:44,347 --> 00:38:46,681 and Kenneth and Tracy and Liz. 1102 00:38:46,749 --> 00:38:49,082 Hey, I have a bone to pick with the four of you. 1103 00:38:49,151 --> 00:38:52,186 Screw, Williams! 1104 00:38:52,254 --> 00:38:53,487 Hey, get out of my home! 1105 00:38:53,555 --> 00:38:55,356 Sorry, recurring hobos. 1106 00:38:58,426 --> 00:39:02,396 ? ? 1107 00:39:02,464 --> 00:39:04,130 I'm back, everybody. 1108 00:39:04,198 --> 00:39:05,498 You're welcome... 1109 00:39:05,566 --> 00:39:08,000 For the adventure... 1110 00:39:08,068 --> 00:39:10,803 My absence... 1111 00:39:10,871 --> 00:39:12,172 Whew... 1112 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:13,173 Provided. 1113 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,541 30 seconds. 1114 00:39:14,608 --> 00:39:16,176 Liz, I was checking the cue cards, 1115 00:39:16,243 --> 00:39:18,511 and we have a problem. 1116 00:39:18,579 --> 00:39:20,179 It all seemed so funny when they were writing it. 1117 00:39:20,213 --> 00:39:22,514 During Dennis' gas leak. 1118 00:39:22,582 --> 00:39:24,816 Yes, this'll work. Just flip the top of act two. 1119 00:39:24,884 --> 00:39:26,918 Danny can't make the wardrobe change that quick. 1120 00:39:26,986 --> 00:39:28,720 Best show ever! Yeah! 1121 00:39:31,057 --> 00:39:33,458 Guys, I don't know about this. 1122 00:39:33,526 --> 00:39:36,960 Oh, my God. We don't have a show. 1123 00:39:41,233 --> 00:39:44,168 - Ten seconds. - Just start. 1124 00:39:52,210 --> 00:39:55,312 I should call Dennis. 1125 00:40:01,219 --> 00:40:03,386 Let's meet our contestants. 1126 00:40:03,454 --> 00:40:06,523 Dr. Steven Poop is a homemaker and a centaur. 1127 00:40:09,158 --> 00:40:10,392 You did it. 1128 00:40:10,460 --> 00:40:14,896 You're picked up for a million more episodes. 1129 00:40:14,964 --> 00:40:17,933 Where am I? 1130 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,402 Am I back in Vietnam? 1131 00:40:20,470 --> 00:40:21,803 What charity are you playing for? 1132 00:40:21,871 --> 00:40:23,904 The Grimace Foundation, Jeremy. 1133 00:40:23,972 --> 00:40:26,905 Keeping milkshakes purple for over a million years. 1134 00:40:26,973 --> 00:40:27,874 Hold on. 1135 00:40:27,942 --> 00:40:30,745 Tracy's back on TV again? 1136 00:40:30,812 --> 00:40:32,113 Clooney, Hanks. 1137 00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:33,180 Actor emergency. 1138 00:40:33,249 --> 00:40:35,683 Tracy Jordan's doing TV again. 1139 00:40:35,751 --> 00:40:37,151 I know, disappointing. 1140 00:40:37,219 --> 00:40:39,553 Take him off the official A-list. 1141 00:40:39,621 --> 00:40:40,721 Well, I don't have the password. 1142 00:40:40,788 --> 00:40:42,989 Pitt's our webmaster. 1143 00:40:43,057 --> 00:40:46,025 Well, then, wake him up. 1144 00:40:46,093 --> 00:40:50,196 Oh, they're doing Pam again? Ugh. 1145 00:40:50,265 --> 00:40:52,098 ? I don't care what you say anymore ? 1146 00:40:52,166 --> 00:40:55,235 ? this is my life ? 1147 00:40:55,302 --> 00:40:57,503 ? go ahead with your own life ? 1148 00:40:57,571 --> 00:40:58,804 ? leave me alone ? 1149 00:40:58,872 --> 00:41:01,707 This may be the gas talking, 1150 00:41:01,775 --> 00:41:04,543 but I was wrong about Dennis. 1151 00:41:04,611 --> 00:41:06,111 You're the guy who never left. 1152 00:41:06,179 --> 00:41:08,648 And this is definitely the gas talking, 1153 00:41:08,715 --> 00:41:10,683 but I'd be a lot worse off 1154 00:41:10,751 --> 00:41:11,849 if I'd never met you, Lemon, 1155 00:41:11,917 --> 00:41:14,118 and I'm proud to have you as a mentee. 1156 00:41:14,186 --> 00:41:15,953 I mean, look at you. 1157 00:41:16,021 --> 00:41:18,122 Endangering the lives of hundreds of people 1158 00:41:18,190 --> 00:41:20,358 for a show that TV Guide once called 1159 00:41:20,426 --> 00:41:21,660 "still on." 1160 00:41:21,727 --> 00:41:23,762 I framed that article. 1161 00:41:23,829 --> 00:41:26,731 To 100 more episodes. 1162 00:41:26,799 --> 00:41:36,733 Sync and corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 1163 00:41:43,029 --> 00:41:45,430 Wow, five years... It makes you think 1164 00:41:45,431 --> 00:41:47,198 about all the fun we've had together. 1165 00:41:47,765 --> 00:41:49,433 But you know the single most amazing thing 1166 00:41:49,500 --> 00:41:51,535 that's happened over the last five years? 1167 00:41:56,007 --> 00:41:57,908 That is true, sir. 1168 00:41:57,976 --> 00:41:59,676 But today does make me wonder where we'll all be 1169 00:41:59,744 --> 00:42:01,444 five years from now. 1170 00:42:03,815 --> 00:42:11,754 ? ?